i think very few ppl knew what weighed heavily on my mind last week. well, there were two issues and tho i still think my brother is deluded and out for misery, that's his problem.


so thankyou very much to bugan and andrea for listening to me rant and bitch and scream my guts out. well, as much as i can scream while on msn anyway.


and especially while talking to andrea, i realised how unforgiving i am. i kinda scared myself for a moment when i realised it. it's been what, 4 years? and i still cant let go. i couldnt even lie to her, and say 'it's ok' to make her feel better.


i started out replying to her rather insincere apology, which she sent to me out of the blue after 4 years of seeing each other everyday (minus the time after sr) without any contact. i was writing halfway abt how i can forgive her as long as she nvr contact me agn. and it strucked me. that isnt forgiving. that is forgetting.


so i just rewrote the whole thing with one message "fuck off and die. never contact me again." why bother writing to me now when all it does is just revoke unpleasant memories for me to lash at u. she deserve every word i wrote.


it's obvious i still hadn't let go one bit. i'd like to think i'm a nice person. but seriously, fuck around with me for more than once and i'll definitely bear this grudge for a preeeety long while, i'd say.


one more thing, for any and everyone out there. mean it when you write apologies. otherwise, it just sucks to be you.