i hate me.

i hate the side of me that has already conformed to society since young, and there aint jack shit i can do anything abt it. im already too used to this life. any other would just cause me more trouble of learning to deal with it all over agn.

i hate the side of me that is afraid to break free. to experience wad i've always wanted. to be able to ignore all the rules and burdens. to be unrestricted. to be a regular party girl tt i can nvr be.

i hate the side of me that is so afraid to break the rules i have to write 3 essay corrections (when i havent even got the essay back) and write till all the veins on my right hand are popping out, and my left hand is apparently vein free. 3 essays, each more than 6 pages. gee. tt aint alot. rite.

i hate the side of me that is anti social, that is always afraid to move out of the comfort zone. yea, i hate to smile WHEN I DUN BLOODY FEEL LIKE IT. so wad? would u rather i have such a fake smile tt ppl will get pissed just by looking at me? wad a fake.

i hate the side of me that is so blindly loyal that i cant see wad a backstabbing double faced hypocrite u are. but since tt's in the past, no use bringing it up.

i hate the side of me that is unable to get close to anyone permanantly, or beoynd the level of 'good frens'. go to hell. i'd rather buy a dog. im cold blooded. several ppl had said so, includng my mom. waddya gonna do abt it?

i hate the side of me that can nvr really unburden myself with wadever im feeling. Sure, i know some ppl are there for me. but i cant do it. im so tired of myself. the person whom ppl run to and blab out all their burdens, relieving themselves of the stress. i dun resent them for doing so. i resent myself for not being able to do the same. no matter wad, i can nvr feel at ease doing so.

i hate the side of me that feels out of place, kinda like a kid peering thru a glass window into someone else's life, like an anti-social freak too steeped into my ways. but then agn, knowing my own flaws doesnt mean i can/want to/ have to willpower to change it. if knowing abt it is all tt it takes, heaven would be overcrowded with saints right now.

i hate the side of me that is so fucking annoying that even i cant stand, let alone the ppl arnd me. Feel free to slap me when i reach tt stage.

i hate the side of me that has no idea what to do with this worthless life, always wallowing in self pity. like now.